Hughs Blog

People don't live in reality

I’m getting the impression that people don’t live in reality. They come to work thinking everyone will be normal and nice, they drive their car thinking everyone will be polite, they go shopping thinking everyone wants to wait on them unquestioningly. Maybe that works with avatars, but, sorry folks you work with, drive with, shop with and probably live with humans. And we are one flawed species.

One of the key principles (and greatest frustrations) of the human condition is that all behaviour makes sense to the person doing it. This means that although it appears to you that your co-worker is acting like an idiot, to them it all makes sense. Crazy but true.

Jeff works in IT at a municipal government office, he’s an upbeat guy that believes everything is great – everyday. To Jeff there is no reason to be in a slump, life it too good to waste on pointless misery. In short, he’s a poster boy for “Don’t worry, be happy!”

One morning on the way to his office, Jeff, in his cheerful way greeted a co-worker. “Good morning!” he called out. But instead of the expected pleasant reply she said “What the $*@)! is good about it?”. Jeff was deflated.

Months later he is retelling this story in my seminar with the same emotion as if it had just happened. The baggage is there and it shows in the retelling.

In my world nobody has the right or ability to influence how I feel. Only I get that one.

Here’s the bottom line. We always have a choice; only dead fish go with the flow. As long as we are a thinking, breathing being we can choose how to respond to life. Take it on, walk away, get help or whatever, but make a choice.

There is freedom in the decision.

Drop me a line and let me know what you think…

Hugh D. Culver is a thought leader in personal performance at work. He has worked with over 450 organizations to inspire change, growth and success in the workplace. You can reach Hugh at hugh@HughCulver.com

Tags: culver, decisions, freedom, leadership, psychology, windows

This Column has 3 Comments

1. Noreen

   Posted On: June 8, 2010

   Hi Hugh

   I love this and have passed on to some of my staff. Finbar is right “the only dead fish” line really hits home. It’s such a clear picture.

2. admin

   Posted On: June 7, 2010

   Hi Finbar.
   Here’s another great one. This time from no luggage live the good life Tim Ferriss (“Four Hour Work Week”).

   Too much free time is no more than fertilizer for self-doubt and assorted mental tail-chasing. Tim Ferriss

3. Finbar

   Posted On: June 7, 2010

   So true!!
   and your right,”We always have a choice; only dead fish go with the flow” Love that line, I will be using that one!!
   Finbar